An Emotionally Packed First Month

Today marks one month since I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer.  What I'm finding hardest to deal with is how it has changed Larrys' and my lives.  For the past month the two of us, who are usually jumping around from one busy project to another, have been a little shell shocked and have just sat and talked a lot.  We both seem to only be able to focus on a single task for a short period of time.  Our sailboat, Serengeti, has been a wonderful refuge for us during this period. 

I never felt sick before the diagnosis and quite frankly, I still feel o.k. now, apart from the few side effects of the chemo that I had soon after the first treatment.  Sometimes I feel a little tired, but we're not sure if that is from the chemo or just from the overload of mental stress.  The difficult part is all of the unknowns in our lives now.  Will I continue to do well with chemo?  What will be the emotional and physical impact of having a double mastectomy?  After surgery, breast tissue and lymph nodes will be studied...will the results be good or bad.  I know already to expect a series of radiation treatments......and possibly more chemo again.  When does it end and when do we get our lives back?  I've always felt that I was in control of my life before, but that's all changed now.

For the immediate future, we have a house renovation to finish and a sailboat that we have just sold the mast on, with a new mast waiting in the Florida Keys that we'd like to put on the boat in that location.  With me being Chairman of the Board at our sailing club and Larry being on the Board, we would both like to fulfill our commitments there.  But in the bigger picture, where does my cancer diagnosis and treatment put us in the future?

Two nights ago I was sitting around feeling a little sorry for myself (yes, I do actually cry once in awhile) and Larry cheered me up, one more time.  We made a pact to stop our "wallowing" about and start back in our normal routine.  So yesterday, it was back at it on the house and we spent the day working on laying out beautiful antique bricks that we are using to make a Charleston style courtyard around a fountain by the entry to our front door.

Tomorrow is my second chemo treatment.  I am hoping that the side effects are mild, as with the first time.